Denise Simmons: The Caregiving Conversations You Need to Have Before There's a Crisis — Full Episode Transcript

Yes, homecare is expensive, but there are ways to supplement. There are ways you can strategically um map out the schedule if you have family support. If you need around-the-clock care, maybe homecare can do the the 8 hours during the day and then some a family member during the night. Or there's programs um that your your depending on your state. Some programs in the state of Florida, I'm a part of a board um South Florida Institute on Aging

where seniors who have have a certain financial threshold, they can get free homecare services.

When caregiving feels overwhelming and the system feels impossible to navigate, this is your guide. Here, you'll learn ways to navigate long-term care planning, find real support for caregiving, and prepare you for the road ahead. I'm your host Lindsey Friedman, and now you're not in this alone. Let's get started. Hello and welcome back to another episode of LT Care Nav's the Care Compass. I'm your host Lindsey Friedman, and today we are here with M. Denise Simmons from Wisdom Senior Care in Broward County, Florida. Thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you, Lindsey, for having me. I'm so excited cuz one, I know what you do and I know that you're so wonderful and you care so much about people, but you're also like a joy to talk to. So, it's going to be super fun conversation. I'm excited. So, to kick it off, I want to start with like the questions I ask everybody. Who are you? What do you do? And most importantly, why do you do it?

Oh my gosh, so who am I? I am first a creative, a mother of three boys, a wife. I was a former caregiver for both my parents. I am a homecare agency owner. I am a certified dementia practitioner, and most of all, I am a lover of just doing right by people by doing right by God's people, and doing the work. Like what I what whatever it takes to do the work and to get the job done. Like that's that's who I am. I'm a go-get-er done. Um and what I do is right now my mission, my passion is to serve seniors in their homes, but more specifically to support those sandwich generation adult children who are those decision makers who find themselves in this conundrum of oh my gosh, my mom's health is declining, kids are in school, I got homework, I got marriage, and then on top of that I have a full-time job um because that was me last year. And so I really speak and and support those um individuals by the services I provide. But not only that, but being a resource, like being a a a a help to help guide them and navigate through this journey, especially when a loved one is diagnosed with dementia. So helping answer those tough questions, what it is, what is this disease. And why I do it is because of what I've gone through as a an adult working caregiver, a mom, a wife, and caring for my parents. Like it was rough. It was hard. I I I remember times where I found myself devalued and not being supported at work, not being offered resources, or in the hospital, in the clinics, hospital rooms with my mom when she's not able to recall her name or today's date, or you know, with my kids they're frustrating me about homework, and then I I I I never had the support. I felt like I was doing this all by myself. And so I do it for those individuals who are going through this right now, the sandwich generation, because they need the support. They need to feel seen, they need to feel heard. And so I do it for you.

I love that so much because we sometimes forget about the the sandwich generation, the caregivers. Because it is such an overwhelming hard job, really becomes a job, that we are kind of thrusted into and we have no experience. It'd be like being put into, "Here, be CEO of this company, but you've never run a company before." And that's what caregiving's like. So, when you're meeting these families, what's the first thing you do to kind of help get them on the right track? Because there is there's so much going on. What's What's like number one?

Number one for me is really validating them, validating their experience, letting them know that it's okay what you're feeling, the guilt, the the the stress, the the overwhelming burden. Like, that's I I see you, I hear you, I relate to you. Um cuz I can't just come in with, "Okay, these is our These are our services. This is what we do. This is what we charge. Let's get you signed up today." No, they need to just let it out. So, sometimes I've been in situations where they're crying or they're apologizing, "I'm sorry, so sorry. I'm letting all this out to you." I'm like, "No, it's okay." And I find myself where it's supposed to take 30 minutes, it's taking me an hour and 30 minutes because they really haven't let it out. So, that's my approach, letting it out so that way I can get a full history of what's actually going on and how can I truly help this family? And what resources can I connect them to? Because I'm hearing financial, oh, so then they need to be connected with an Medicaid estate attorney to protect the assets so they can afford for the care. So, that's my strategy and that's how I go in to really support.

And I love that so much because some folks go in when they're home care and they're like, "Oh, I'll stay with you until you run out of money." Or my job is to care for your loved one. And we forget about there's like a whole ecosystem that is surrounding a family. And I love that advice and for other home care agencies kind of taking that. Not only does it expand your services and your worth, but they're going to be able to stay with you longer, which is great for as a home care owner, but also as the family. Like not having that turnover, knowing the people who are caring for you is so important.

You are so right, and that's why I just love your platform because you offer all of that. When I initially connected with you, your your platform offers all that I am in a human being when I'm going into these places because they don't know, Lindsay. Like they they don't know how to figure out their different options to pay for um home care. They don't realize that there are different nuances of of different types of home care. I know we're going to get into that, but that's what they're looking for. It's It's not just one issue. Mom needs an aid, but Mom has dementia. Mom maybe has a life insurance policy that maybe can How can I tap into that? So, that's why I love our connection, and you're like the digital version of me. So, that's why we we gel so much.

And I love that that you're doing this in person because I am still such a believer of yes, we're a digital platform. We're a great place to start, but you always need that boots on the ground. You need that human, and that I don't think we're ever going to lose in the world of care. Is connection is so important, and you are such a joy to connect with. So, for families out there, she really is. This is This is who she is, and it's so wonderful. But, you did mention, and I do want to get into this because I have had three people in the past week ask me about what they thought was home health. Well, they thought they they thought home care was going to be covered because they at some point had home health. And home health was covered. And we had this like with everybody. It was a really big disconnect. So, can you explain the difference of the two because I think it's a big reason why families think insurance is going to pay for long-term care.

Exactly. So, the key major differences home health is the skilled services offered and paid by health insurance plans, whether you have Medicaid, Medicare, different insurance plans. So, that's the skilled service meaning that's a nurse comes in or a physical therapist comes in, occupational therapist, speech therapy. Those are the skilled professionals that come in and nine times out of 10 it's triggered by maybe there was a fall at the home and you went to the hospital and now you have to be discharged and the doctor writes an order and that triggers home health to come in to provide the intermediate services cuz it's intermediate covered by insurance, it's not something that is a a long long process that you can have daily, but the the professionals come in 30 to 45 minutes and they're in and they're out and it's probably 6 to 8 weeks and that's done. And then if you need more, you got to talk to your doctor, they got to write the order and then that starts that whole process again if you're qualified. Now, home care is the non-medical, the non-medical support that helps a senior, that helps someone to be able to function in their homes with their activities of daily living. And this is something that doesn't need to be triggered by a doctor. Anyone can get home care at any time and that's a skilled professional, a home health aide or certified nursing assistant that will come in and help you with your day-to-day activities. And it usually ranges, it can be from anywhere from 1 hour up to 24-hour care. So, if you need someone for companionship for a few hours out the day because they're living in isolation, then you can have a home health aid or maybe they need full-time around the clock care in addition to the home health care that they're the home health care that they're getting cuz they can work in tandem, right? Cuz the the the the medical side is coming in to treat the the the medical condition um that they're in, but the home care is really for the day-to-day, keeps them thriving, helps to support um the individual to to to be independent in their home.

And that is what for people listening is not covered by insurance. Some medic Depending on your state, sometimes Medicaid or Veterans Benefits, but that's the out-of-pocket expense. And I think that's where families end up getting pretty shocked when they realize one, it's expensive. It's expensive, but worth it if you can afford it, right? But that you are going to pay out-of-pocket. And I think this disconnect in how things are paid for is really causing families And and that's the And that's the reality and

I think that's what we need to and I love the platform that we're on. We need to be more educational and really dispel the myths and and and and explain because there are ways even Yes, home care is expensive, but there are ways to supplement. There are ways you can strategically map out the schedule if you have family support. If you need around the clock care, maybe home care can do the the 8 hours during the day and then some a family member during the night. Or there's programs that you're you're Depending on your state, some programs in the state of Florida, I'm a part of a board um South Florida Institute on Aging where seniors who have a certain financial threshold, they can get free home care services um through volunteers that who are also seniors. So they'll come in, you know, 4 to 8 hours a day and just sit with them, make sure they're taking their meds. So, depending on your state, you can either get it for free, you can get a version of it supplemented, and even employers they're they're, you know, starting to get hip with elder care and working caregivers needing this support. So, you do a little digging or connect to LTE Care Nav, you'll be able to find out.

No, thank you for that, cuz that is one of the things that we're finding. We want to help you find the thing you don't know about in every state across the country. And and you're doing that as well, which is so amazing. But, it is it's like families come and they're in such crisis probably when they come to you typically that they don't know everything that's out there. They're stopped digging. And you when you're in a crisis, you're sort of like a dog chasing its tail. And then they're lucky enough to find you. But, but when you're not, it's like you don't you miss out on all the options. And here's the big thing that I've been really talking to a lot of professionals about. These families come in crisis. That's when they come. What do you think it's going to take to move the needle to have these conversations in a meaningful way with a plan that that's earlier. So, say family in Broward County comes to you and says, "Denise, my mom just got this diagnosis. We just wanted to start talking to people earlier and we want to know our options." What's it going to take to move that needle to get families to that place? Society has to I believe that it's going to take society to remove cuz even I'm a I I have a film entertainment background. So, when we even watch movies, it's always in crisis mode that they approach the the idea of home care. So, I think it's going to take a collective movement of people like myself and yourself to be out there to educate on the importance of family planning, estate planning, having those tough conversations right now while your parents are in their sound mind, they're healthy, they're vibrant, and just get it done out of the way. And so when that time comes, there's no questions asked. You just look at the paperwork. We already know who's doing what. And and promote that this is this gives you peace of mind. Like that's what I preach. Like we are the peace of mind. And when I tell when I have conversations to family members, I'm like, "Don't you just want peace of mind to know that you figured all of this out?" And thank God I was able to do that for my parents cuz something happens when money is involved, parents die. Like money changes people and you see the ugliness of of of family members. So to avoid that, let's promote to have those conversations earlier and the importance of it and how it gives a family just peace of mind.

Absolutely. And it's the whole process, right? It's from the from diagnosis even sometimes there's not diagnosis. It's from like aging until basically the end, the next phase. And that's not always fun to talk about.

It's not.

And even needing care, like the fact that you might need someone to help you in the shower is not like the most ideal fun topic, right? Like, "Hey Mom, what do you want to do when someone comes in to shower you, right?" That's a weird conversation. But having it is so important because you just knowing what they want, knowing what that looks like because I often times like think about it. I love my dad. He's like my favorite person in the whole world. And the idea of showering him just isn't even an option for me. Like I'm happy to hear it. I'm not going to do that. And those are the conversations that need to be talked about beforehand. And I say I'm not going to do it because he doesn't even want me to do it. There's like we're a very modest family. We just don't do that.

Yeah.

Those are the conversations that are really great to have and to say, "You know, Dad, I know you don't love the idea of talking about home care, but we need to make sure that we have somebody who can come in and do this if the time comes."

Yeah, and then giving your father the option like Dad, you know, you know the relationship that we have. However, if push comes to the shove, you know, Dad, I'mma be honest like I I don't want to take you a shower. Would you prefer a male or female? Right? It's so important to get their, you know, their take. So, they have control because as as we know, you know, we start to age and you know, things are declining, we start to lose functions, control of our functionalities. And so, seniors, they really want to hold into that. So, the more early on we can give them a level of control and decision-making, that empowers them more than often that we think. And so, it it'll make for that daunting hard conversation when you go in with the lens of, "I'm going to give my father the control and the ability to make his decision." So, let's see how he would like Would he like to live with me or would he like to live in a luxurious 55 and plus community or maybe an ALF if he's, you know, has a chronic, you know, condition and he wants to stay somewhere small. So, these are all the things you can start to kind of get a feel and it doesn't even have to be anything structured, Lindsey. You could just pop in questions in and out. And then there you got your info data that's building up.

Yeah. And then make the notes because I think what people don't understand is one, just because of plan. I think people think, "Oh, we're going to make a plan for aging." They're like, "Oh, you're going to try to put me in a nursing home, right?" What you don't understand is if you don't have a plan, you might end up in a nursing home.

And a bad one, too, cuz there are some bad ones.

But, if you have a plan and you figure out what that looks like and how you're going to enforce the plan, you have so many more options.

Exactly. And that's And that's the That's what you can sell to your parents like I want to give you options. Like there's a plethora of communities, types of way different types of ways you can age at home. Like Dad, I'll just let's write down your options and put it in a will and store it and there you go.

No, and I think those are so great and I I really just want to encourage families to have these conversations. And I know someone like you, you're open if a family wants to call and just talk through what that looks like, where you fit in in the future.

Of course, anytime. You'll provide my contact information. Consultations are free cuz that's what we're here for. And I know nine times out of 10 I'll direct you back to Lindsey's platform cuz she has it digitally, especially if you're out of state. But definitely in Broward County in Florida, yes, we can be able to support.

I absolutely love that and thank you so so much for being on the show today. Any last words?

My last words is plan ahead as as much as you can um before life gets hectic and kids are starting to move in different places because they're in sports and they're involved in church and they got this going on and before the falls start to happen, before you know, the the memory decline starts to happen, start to have those conversations now. Plan ahead. I cannot stress enough how important it is to just plan ahead, have those legal documents already set up, delegate who's going to do what because it gives you such peace and assurance to know that you figured all of this out cuz the time is going to come, it's inevitable. So, plan ahead.

Thank you so much. Those are, you know, those are always what I That That's where I stand on it. Like let's just do this. Play on. So, thank you for coming on and and being part of LTC RN app and part of solutions for families across the country.

Thank you, Lindsay, for having me.

And we will see you next time on the Care Compass. All right, that's a wrap for today. Until next time, remember, you're not alone. Take things one step at a time, stay centered, and trust your compass. See you next time on LTC RN app's Care Compass.