Navigating Senior Care and Funeral Trusts with Carrie Grubanowitch — Full Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Caregivers Compass. I'm your host, Lindsay Friedman, and the founder of LTCareNav.com. And I am so excited to officially welcome you to our very first episode. This podcast was created for caregivers and families who so often say, I just wish I had trusted guidance sooner. Clear options, honest conversations, and someone who truly understands both the practical and emotional weight of caring for an aging loved one.

This episode feels especially meaningful because it aligns perfectly with the launch of LTCareNav's trusted vetted care connections — professionals who don't just know the system, but genuinely care about the people they're providing for. And honestly, I couldn't imagine a better first guest. I'm honored to be joined by Carrie Grubanowitch, someone who embodies everything that this podcast and LTCareNav stand for — advocacy, expertise, integrity, and heart.

Carrie holds an MBA and is a certified senior care advisor, a certified dementia care advisor, a licensed funeral trust agent, the owner of CarePatrol of Rock County and Metro Rockford, and the founder of US Funeral Trust. Most importantly, she shows up for families with so much knowledge, compassion, clarity, and honesty. She's also someone I'm really lucky to call a friend, and she's one of our trusted providers on LTCareNav. I can't wait for her to share her knowledge with you. So let's get started. Welcome, Carrie.

Thanks, Lindsay.

So I want to start by asking what drove you to this career of helping older adults?

I first started doing this when I had a nine-to-five job. My grandmother had Alzheimer's dementia, and my grandfather was a World War II vet who had his foot blown off. My grandmother took care of him when he came home from the war — they got married, and she took care of him. And when she got Alzheimer's dementia, my grandfather said, okay, now it's my time to take care of her.

He took care of her as long as he could, but she started exit-seeking — which means a person with Alzheimer's dementia wants to leave their house and start roaming around, because they don't really know where they are, because their memory is lost. My grandfather's worst fear was that my grandmother would be run over by a car. So he went to me and my mom and said, I don't want her to be run over by a car like a dog. I don't know what to do.

Back then, my mom and I looked at different communities. We found one close to my grandfather's home, and we literally placed my grandmother — and this was before I became a placement specialist. The other thing is, my mother died eleven years ago from cancer. I got to experience that cancer journey with her, which ended horribly. But I understand the importance of hospice care, because I took care of my mom hand in hand with my father, with hospice care at home.

Those two people in my life touched me so much that when I had the opportunity to open a business, I wanted to leverage my expertise and my knowledge of coordinating things. I used to be an IT program manager, so I would deal with a lot of different personalities and a lot of different moving pieces, and I wanted to transfer those skills to families that have a lot going on, don't know where to start, and don't know what to do. There are a lot of different personalities in families, and I wanted to bring those skills to help them through this transition.

And I love that it comes from a personal point of view, because it really does impact who you are and how you care for the people you're helping. What is the one thing you would tell people who have family members with dementia — the one sign that says it's really time to seek a placement expert?

I like coming in when people first identify that they have a dementia diagnosis — coming in sooner rather than later and helping them with their journey. I help families where they're at. I'm not forcing the idea that your family member needs to go into a memory care community. If you're taking care of them and everything's fine, that's okay — I can help supplement with in-home care or other services. But I want to help that family so the caregiver doesn't get burned out, so they don't feel like they've reached their limit and can't do this anymore. It's a planned approach, not a crisis — we look at where you are as a caregiver, as well as the loved one who is struggling with that dementia diagnosis.

Unfortunately, every day is different with dementia. One day they could be great — very lucid and talkative — and the next day they're shut down, and the disease combats them, and they're not who they are. That yo-yoing means one day you're okay dealing with it and another day you're not. And again, you're not a caregiver — you're a loved one. It's really hard to transition from being a husband or wife, an aunt or uncle, a niece or nephew, a son or daughter, into that caregiver role.

I was fortunate that I was able to do that for my grandmother and my mother, but not everyone's able to do that. And it's okay if you don't feel like you have those skills — placing them in a community where there are people who can care for them is a valid choice.

When you get families who are in this turmoil — especially if they are doing the caregiving — do you find that a lot of times they feel guilty about the decision to place? And what kind of advice would you give those folks who are debating and turning it over in their minds?

I unfortunately have a really sad story to share. In December, it was a son and daughter-in-law — his dad has dementia, Alzheimer's — and they live on a farm right outside of Rockford. They have two farmhouses, one where the mom and dad lived and one where the son and daughter-in-law lived — they're my age, they're fifty.

The wife realized, I can't take care of him anymore. He's disrupting the house. He's trying to leave the home when it's cold outside. I'm concerned about his safety. We toured a community, and for the couple of days he was there, he was great. And they said, you found a great place for us, but we want to keep him home for the holidays. It's December — these are the last holidays we'll have with him in the home. And I said, you can bring him home. You can take him out of the community — he's not trapped here.

They said, we're going to transition him in January. Again, it's the family's choice — I give my recommendations. But he exit-seeked. He got up at two o'clock in the morning in his pajamas, thinking he had to do chores on the farm. He was found outside at five, five-thirty in the morning when the son was doing chores — almost frozen. He went to the emergency room, and he didn't make it.

Ugh, that's a horrible story.

So you have to think — yes, you're doing your best, but if you really feel that your loved one is not in a safe place because you can't be up all hours of the day and you don't have a secured community, that's what a memory care community does. It's a locked facility. They can't leave. They can't walk outside in the bitter cold.

Again, it is always your decision. But I help the family with that journey and kind of play devil's advocate — to say, if this happened, how would you feel? If that happened, how would you feel? They're doing what's best, but sometimes they don't know what's best.

That is a really powerful story, and I think it's powerful messaging for people who are on the fence about what could happen. But you said something in there that I think is really important — something a lot of families, and even elders going into care, don't realize: you are not trapped. Do you see that sometimes families, or even the seniors who have to go into care, feel like, okay, you're putting me in prison, I'm trapped in this building now for the end of days? How do you talk them through that and show them that that's not what this is — this is just a new place to live?

Everybody thinks that assisted living or memory care is a nursing home, and that's not what it is at all. It is your new home, and it is a home that has people there who can care for you. I reinforce that they want you to be as independent as possible — they are there for you if you need help. And I also say it's not a prison. You can come and go as you please. You just need to sign out, and that's purely from a safety perspective. If there's a fire, they know Betty's at her kid's house, and they don't have to account for her in an evacuation.

They get to decorate their apartment or their room the way they want to. It's not an institutional nursing home, where you don't have those options. And that is what I tell clients: I want you to be in a memory care community or an assisted living community, and I am trying to help you avoid going to a nursing home. A nursing home is the last resort, and that is only if your level of care requires it — like you have a feeding tube, or you need a two-person assist because you literally can't move. There are other criteria that vary by state, but a nursing home is the last resort.

Everybody thinks, I'm going to a nursing home — and no, we're going to another community that has people living there like you, so you can meet new people and socialize. That's the other thing people don't realize. I'm at home watching TV, I'm fine. That's not great for your socialization. That's not good for keeping your mind going. In these communities they have activities and great food. People don't eat well when they're older because they don't want to cook for themselves, and they're eating a lot of processed food, which is really bad for you.

Having good food, great conversation at meals, and meeting new friends — that's the other thing. When you're older, your friends are passing away. So this is a great opportunity to meet new friends and tell your old stories to new people — they're not old stories to them, they're new. And you hear stories from new people. It's the whole package: socialization, medical needs.

People think, I need to die in my house, and that's how it is. No — that's not how it is. Having a new lease on life and going somewhere where you can have new experiences and adventures is all part of life, because we only have one life to live. I tell my clients, would you rather spend it in a new environment where you're meeting new people and you're cared for? Your care is number one. I don't want you falling out of bed and lying in your bedroom because no one's there to help you.

So I am someone who wants to go to assisted living — if something happens to my husband, I definitely want that socialization, to be a lady who lunches, right? But when a family comes to you and they aren't like that, how — besides just talking it through as the right decision — do you actually pick the right community for a family? What's that process like for you and for them?

When I meet with clients, I do a very detailed inventory — understanding their medical needs, but also understanding their socialization needs. There are a couple of men I've placed who said, I just want good food. That's all I want. I want good food. I want someone to come in and clean my apartment. I don't want to clean anymore. I don't want to do my laundry anymore. That's all I want. And I'm like, okay.

So we go and tour, and we do lunch-and-tours, because I explain to the community that food is very important — they need to taste the food and see if it's to their liking. And then when I help move them in, they say, well, you know what, I forgot that I really enjoyed playing cards, and there's this card group in the afternoon, and there's this Wii bowling thing — I used to bowl, but now I can't go to the bowling alley anymore, and it's kind of like bowling. All these other options become new to them. They thought, I'm not going to do any of that — I just want good food, my apartment, and I'll be fine. And then all these other opportunities are given to them, and they realize, this is fun. I'm having fun.

What I do — and what CarePatrol does — is I go in after a week to see how they're doing. If there are any issues, I talk to the community and try to resolve them. I want the client to know they're not alone, and that I'm not just dumping them off and forgetting about them. I kind of kid — I'm your friend forever. I'm going to be coming in to see how you're doing, because I'm going to these communities with other families and I'm going to pop in. They really enjoy that, and they appreciate it. And I also want to make sure they're thriving.

And I love that you do that. I know all of the CarePatrol owners — it's really a mission of theirs. And there's something beautiful that I know that you do — but how do you offer this service to families? Because you really become a confidant to them. You really become a support tool. And I think how that is compensated is also really beautiful. Can you tell our listeners what that is?

CarePatrol has a way of creating a win-win-win situation. We are a free resource to families — they don't have to pay for us. We're free for the communities to partner with. And if we place someone appropriately, we get a placement fee. It's essentially an extension of their marketing budget, because we're marketing their communities for free. We're out there talking about their communities and advocating for them, because we only partner with people we know will take care of our clients, have great social programs, and — because food is important to everyone — have great food.

We're compensated when we place, but we also help families, so it's kind of a double win. Communities know that when we bring a client, that person is seriously looking and we're not wasting their time — they get a lot of people who just come and look and don't do anything. We're reducing their operating costs by only bringing clients who are appropriate for that community and serious about it. And because we're about choice, we usually give between three and four different options for clients — so they know there's about a 33 percent chance of placing.

I love that. I love the model and how that fits into families — it really is such a great support. But I want to switch gears a little bit, because the thing that you do with funeral trusts is absolutely fascinating. Even me being in the industry, I didn't know a lot about it, so I'm sure our families listening don't. Can you tell us a little bit about what a funeral trust is?

Sure. As a senior care advisor and as a fiduciary to my clients, I'm not only protecting them from their health issues — I also want to protect their money and do the right thing for them. A funeral trust really leans into that financial aspect. In a majority of the states, a funeral trust will protect your money from Medicaid.

Depending on how much money you've saved for your care, opening a funeral trust will save money for your funeral. It's something you can set aside — you don't have to make arrangements for your funeral. You can just set money aside. It is protected from Medicaid because the federal government deems a funeral a necessary expense. You're not spending it on a vacation or something frivolous — you're spending it on your funeral. And you're not transferring that burden to your family.

With Medicaid, you have to spend down your assets to $2,000 — and I don't know if anybody has really looked into a funeral, but you can't bury someone for $2,000. What this funeral trust does is set that money aside. You're not assigned to a funeral parlor. You're not set in any state. If you buy a funeral trust and, let's say, you live in Illinois and your kids have moved to Colorado, and you move to Colorado and you pass away in Colorado and you want to be buried near your kids — your funeral trust moves with you. You can move anywhere within the United States and use that money to be buried anywhere in the United States.

That's amazing. But for some of the people who still don't understand — people who might think life insurance is enough — why is that a risky assumption for a senior moving into assisted living?

A life insurance policy is considered an asset that is not protected against Medicaid. So if you are applying for Medicaid and you have that life insurance policy, Medicaid will make you cash that policy out and use that cash value toward your care. It's not saved for your funeral expenses. Same with a CD that you're saving for funeral expenses — if you're applying for Medicaid, a CD is considered an asset, so you'll have to cash that out and pay it toward your care before the federal government will say, now you can transition to Medicaid.

A funeral trust is really the only way to have money set aside for your funeral. And again, it's flexible — you can use it anywhere in the United States, and you can use it at any funeral home. A lot of funeral homes have been bought out by bigger companies, and I've heard in the Rockford area about people who pre-bought their funerals at a family-owned funeral company. Because they were bought up by a corporation, the corporation says, we don't have any records of that. It's really frustrating, because they thought they'd pre-bought their funeral at this family-owned funeral company, and now they have to fight with a lawyer to get what's really theirs.

With a funeral trust, you don't have to deal with any of that, because any reputable funeral parlor will take it as payment. And you get your funeral paid within two days, which is really nice. You don't even have to show a death certificate. You literally pick a funeral parlor, the funeral home sends the claim to the funeral trust, and they get paid. It's super easy.

That's great. Now, there might be people asking — because with Medicaid, the big thing is that five-year lookback, right? That scary five-year lookback. What if a family is looking, like, three years out and they can see Medicaid's coming? Is a funeral trust still an option?

Absolutely, because it's considered a necessary expense. It's like food — you need money for food, you need care. Unfortunately, we're all dying; none of us are not dying, so it's going to happen to all of us. What they don't want is for your family to be unable to pay for your funeral, because then that expense goes to the state for a state funeral — and that's just a burial. You're showing that you're looking forward, trying to reduce the burden on the state by having your funeral paid for.

The other thing that's really neat about funeral trusts is that, depending on the state, you can actually buy a funeral trust for your spouse to help with that spend-down. And you can purchase a funeral trust for your children — your adult children — and their spouses. Depending on what state you live in, you could do that and help with the spend-down to get onto Medicaid.

Some people haven't been able to save enough to leave an inheritance to their children. A funeral trust is kind of an inheritance, because you're giving them a gift — your estate won't have to pay for the funeral. It's a gift to the grandchildren: you don't have to pay for my funeral; I'm paying for it in advance. That's a nice thing — to be able to gift something to your family instead of nothing, because you had to spend all your money on care due to the Medicaid lookback and the $2,000 you can only have as a Medicaid recipient.

I think this is such a great tool and asset that's available. But I know you keep saying, state by state — are you able to sell these funeral trusts nationwide, or how does that work?

Yep — we are certified nationwide. I have a spreadsheet that says how much you can apply for a funeral trust and whether it's applicable for just you, or you and your spouse, or you, your spouse, and your children, or you, your spouse, your children, and their spouses. Every state is different, so I just need to understand where you're living and where you're buying it, and then I would explain what the possibilities are for you.

And I can tell everybody listening that if this sounds like something that will work for you and your family, you should definitely give Carrie a shout-out, a call — she is amazing, and all her details are below. So, because we're getting close to our time — what do you want a family to know more than anything? If you have one piece of advice, one thing you want to tell them, what would that be?

Because I am a certified senior advisor, a placement specialist, a certified dementia practitioner, and I understand funeral trusts — just because I support an area in Wisconsin and Illinois doesn't mean you can't call me just to get some information and start understanding what's available to you. I can also refer you, if you're not in my area, to other specialists.

Start the conversation now. Understand what your assets are, and whether it makes sense to have a funeral trust now instead of later and forgetting about it. Everybody thinks clearly when they're planning — but when you're in a crisis, you're not thinking. You're reacting to things, and when people react, they're not necessarily making the best decisions. In a planning mode, you can talk, have conversations, think about it, have other conversations, and then decide what's best for you and your family. It's always good to be planning instead of reacting. We don't like reacting, because we make decisions that are not necessarily in our best interest. And nobody likes being in a crisis — I know I don't.

No, I think that's all really great advice. I am so glad that I got to do our first podcast with you, Carrie. We will make sure all of your details are in the description, and you can also find Carrie on LTCareNav. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Thanks, Lindsay. Appreciate it.